How could I bring myself to say my sin to the priest? What was I going to confess to? How would I say it?
How about, Bless me father, I have,
sinned. In the shower I rubbed my private parts and experienced an orgasm which
felt great? No, this sounds like a perversion, worse than intercourse.
I need to say I committed self-abuse, touched my private parts. He will ask what private parts, what was I thinking when doing it, was it the first time, how did I come to commit this act of perversion? The questions could be endless.
I’ll keep it simple. I committed and impure act father. No, he will
think intercourse, want to know the name of the boy, if we thwarted God's plan
and used a "rubber thing", if I was pregnant, where we did it? Better
to plea an impure thought. No, you can't lie in confession. It had to be the
perversion of rubbing my private parts, self -abuse and the questions.
Friday with classmates sitting in the church pew I awaited my time for confession as each girl went and the rest of us scooted closer to the pew’s edge and the confessional curtain. I prayed for the strength to tell the truth, my minding racing for the best phrase and worried about being overheard by a classmate.
Eventually I was at the end of the pew facing the red velvet curtain of one
side of the confessional. As the light blinked off my side of the priest's
booth with the departure of a confessor I entered, pulled the velvet curtain
closed behind me and knelt before the screen behind which a little wood door
was closed as the priest listened to the confessor on the other side.
Suddenly the door slid open with the priest's ear bent to the screen for my confession. Even in the dark I could recognize him and knew he could me.