Edward filled what I thought was missing
in life but he was an impossible love. I knew he would leave me and never
understood his infatuation. I wasn’t his peer. How could he be in love with me?
He didn’t fit my Tropicana Village upbringing, dysfunctional family and swing
shift world. He was going to be a doctor and I, well wafer fab aligner said it
all. In addition I was married and the mother of kids. Even if single, without
children, he would eventually be claimed by his own and leave me, abandoned.
I accepted our relationship was temporary, kept him in the present tense and didn't dwell on the eventual end. He was a love cul-de-sac. My main road remained family. Edward's was his career and a future family, without me. I had to keep it all in perspective and not veer off the main road and crash.
Even though I thought of him constantly our physical time together was limited. Most of my time outside work remained with family. Edward's hospital internship was six nights a week from 6 PM to 6 AM. Once home he slept until noon. With studies he was more time stressed than me. My swing shift schedule was return home at 2:30 AM, sleep until 6:30, fix breakfast, get kids off to school, clean house, pick up the youngest at 1:30, greet the oldest when he came home at 2:30, prepare family dinner then rush to work at 5:30 with my share of the dinner in my lunch bag.
Weekends flew by as a blur of backed up domestic chores and catch up sleep. Edward and I only spent the night together on Friday’s from at most 6:30 PM to 5:30 AM, less than 12 hours. Often a Friday was missed I stopped by his apartment for "nooners" typically twice a week, on the “T”s, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours. Total physical time together was only 4 to 15 hours a week versus physical hubby time of over 70 hours.
Once he attempted to introduce me to his world.
He took me to a formal medical award occasion and bought me a black gown and a
real pearl necklace. I ended up as ill at ease as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman at the Polo Turf Club.
Those at the soiree were academics and doctors. He spent his time talking to
them. I was on my own after a few introductions. Maladroit, I kept my mouth shut, nodded agreement to what
was said and smiled. I talked about the table floral arrangements to have a
conversation without sounding stupid when cornered yet knew I appeared gauche.