Chapter 26, Husband’s Jealousy Fit
The next day after lunch, with the children outside, the questions began. I didn't know how to answer. I had been gone too long, came home too late and obviously had taken a shower just before returning yet still smelled of sex. He kept pestering me to tell the truth, assured me he already knew, claimed he understood and it was okay but to be honest. I knew I should deny but he would not accept my denials. I finally blurted out.
Just 2 words, once said immediately
regretted, grieved for a life time.
Stunned he started questioning about
details wanting to know again who, if I had an orgasm and if we used a condom
and even whose, when I said we used one. I yelled in defense he was jealous
just as I knew he would be and walked out of the room, afraid he would be
enraged and hit me, something I never feared before.
Instead of attacking me with jealousy he attacked me sexually. He grabbed me, led me to bed, threw me on it, striped off my clothes, spread my legs and entered me. I didn’t resist. I accepted marriage rape as deserved punishment. Not answering his question if I experienced an orgasm the night before, I faked a big one as he finished.
After sex he bombarded me with
questions about his performance.
"Am I as good? Do you still
enjoy it with me? Do you still love me"?
He was insecure. I hugged him.
“You don’t need to worry. Only you
are my husband. I only did it because it was part of your swinging thing. I
wanted to see if you still loved me, to see if you would get jealous. I’m sorry
I hurt you. I won’t do it again. It’s over.”
That Sunday night, after my admission, he started with demanding to know who, “who screwed me”. We had a screaming match as he again kept cross examining. I first told him I wouldn’t talk about it as it only made him jealous and it was over but finally yelled.
"Shut up! Shut up!"