Chapter 25, Girl Becomes Woman
I skipped the next Saturday's night date due to my husband's jealously but secretly went to Edward's apartment during the day for sex. The Saturday after, however, I simply announced.
“I’m going out tonight.”
He was sullen, asked me not to but I
told him I loved him, inferred it was all his idea and left saying he was just a friend. The truth was I
could not stop. My mind instead raced about how to devise a plan which would
stabilize my domestic safe world, swirling out of orbit while still seeing Edward.
Backing out of the driveway like my
father he watched like my mother from the kitchen window. Experiencing a spasm
of indecisiveness I parked at the supermarket near Edward’s apartment complex
and put my head on the steering wheel telling myself to go home but instead got
cheese and some crackers for wine.
Back in the car I drove straight to
his parking space reserved for me in the parking labyrinth and walked swiftly
to his apartment not thinking of home, knowing as I strode to his door I could
not stop. The best I could do was to manage events and attempt to keep my
family as emotion played out.
When Edward opened the door we
kissed. It felt good. I was in another world, his, instantly. He took the
cheese and crackers and instead of serving wine or further kissing led me to
his car. Sunk down in the bucket seats we zoomed to a Japanese restaurant.
During munching maki he watched me intently. I drank a bottle of sake wine and
he Asahi beer. He was quiet.
Afterwards he drove back faster than usual thrusting me into the seat with each gear change as if in a hurry to take me. Parked he led me by the hand to his unit and then up to the bedroom, wordless. Not saying much all evening he was not moody or sullen, just different with me unsure what to expect, his odd silence making me nervous.
I thought maybe he was upset about something I
said or did, he was already tired of me or a nurse was chasing him and worried
he thought me a "silly girl" below his intellectual level. I did not
want to be taken for granted, however, and his leading me to the bedroom
unexpectedly with few words made me think the relationship had regressed to
such. I was upset he not even paused to serve my cheese and crackers.