It was a Tuesday in the middle of summer, so of course that morning I was enjoying some extra sleep. Until my phone on a drawer next to my bed started ringing. With my eyes still closed, I groaned, reached over, and picked it up.
“Yo. Let’s get our permits today.”
“My mom’s driving us to the DMV. I’m outside your house. Bring your ID and social security. You got five minutes.”
“Wait what- ” He hung up.
I quickly get dressed, and go outside to see my friend Toyota. That’s right. His name is literally a fucking car company. What’s strange is that his mom drove a Nissan. I mean, if I named my child after a fucking car company I’d probably buy a car from said company, you know?
So I get in the car and Toyota’s mom drives us to the DMV.
We get to the DMV, no problems there, and Toyota’s mom waits in the car while we go inside the building. So I enter and I see these rotating doors. I go up to the rotating door and start pushing it but they wouldn’t budge. I try harder but the doors don’t move. Confused, I take a step back and to my right I see Toyota enter through a normal door entrance next to the rotating doors.
We get our tickets and start waiting for the exam. It was then that I realized I had not prepared at all for the permit test. Shit. What the hell was even on the test? I start asking my friend to give me a brief overview but he was next in line and went to take his test. Shit.
So I’m here panicking, thinking I just wasted my time coming
here to humiliate myself by failing this test. God, who fails their permit
The DMV dude calls me and I go up to him, and he hands me the test and I sit down. I don’t even remember what was on the test honestly. Mostly stuff about road signs and road lines or something. Oh yeah, and repetitive questions about alcohol. Is alcohol bad? Is alcohol unhealthy? Should you drink alcohol while drinking? These questions were just repeatedly thrown around the test; I swear almost half the test was just the same alcohol questions worded differently.
I finish the test and I give it to the DMV guy and you have no idea how much pressure I’m under as I wait there watching him grade my test. I can’t really see what he’s doing but I see his pen moving occasionally and I’m wondering if that was a good thing. Was he marking off the questions I got wrong? Was he marking off the questions I got right? Was he doodling?
Finally he looks up at me and hands me a form on a clipboard. “Fill that out then wait in line over there.”
Whew. I assume that meant I passed the test. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. After all I’d taken the SHSAT, and the SAT without even knowing what was on it when I walked into the room. Guess I was either genuinely gifted- in which case I’m so sorry I’ve ruined that gift with my laziness-, or I was pretty lucky- in which case I’d apparently used up all my luck on testing and had none left for acne prevention-.
So I sit down next to my friend and he gives me a surprised face, like he didn’t expect me to make it this far, this son-of-a-bitch probably just wanted to interrupt my sleep and bring me over here just to humiliate me, ok back to the form. I start filling out the form and I have this really irrational nagging feeling whenever I fill out forms. I thought about what would happen if I messed up the form and had to go back to the DMV guy to get a new form and he’d think to himself “this fucking guy can’t even fill out a form”, and I’d feel bad because I’m insecure and care too much about what other people think of me when in reality they’re not even thinking of me, nobody cares, nobody ever thinks of me at all dear god I want to cry now.
Okay, so I fill out the form, no mistakes! I give it in; the dude says okay, I get my permit two weeks later in the mail.
Boom, mission accomplished.