. Story of lost love.
My English teacher once told me that; things which we cannot share with anyone should be noted down on pages or diaries; she believed that pen and paper have ability to understand our emotions better than anyone.
I also have many things to share but I can't share this with anyone. So I am following her advice and starting this diary to share various aspects of my life till now with you. I will assume you as a friend of mine and will share things like friends do.
So let me ask u a question.. I know u won't be able to answer but I will try to find it by sharing it with u.
What do u think are school days better than days which we spend in high schools and doing higher studies????
While I think all these are steps of life and we should take it irrespective of their outcomes .. What makes these days bad or good is ;with whom we spend these days and how!… during these days we come across many people some stay with us and some leave but this is what life is all about..
" because situations occurs and becomes past; friends come and leave but life moves on either way"
But during these days somehow and somewhere we meet someone special; a person who makes these days beautiful or worst..some of us recognize them but some ignore or does not face them…..
Starting with my school days; I had my small gang of four friends including me. I was less talkative and more work oriented so I managed to make only three friends..
Sad but true..let me introduce us; starting from myself ;I was the most shy and studios ;but very understanding and emotional a perfect friend who everyone wants; my friends thought about me.
Akash well in studies and sports but very bold personality challenging rules of life every time. Sonali a free spirit like personality same as Akash .. And finally Anushka a great friend, trying to acquire perfection in everything but here no one is perfect hence she was also not, she was the most confusing person of all. Every time confused in things whether to do this or that…
We meet in eight standard and still have same bonding. These are the most important people of my life.. Years past we entered 10th std you must be knowing how important this year was.. We focused more on studies rather than fun in entire year and finally our exam started.. For this entire month we studied really hard and hard and gave our hundred percent in papers.After every paper we talked with each other asking about how the paper was and discussing answers.. Finally board exams were over and our holiday started..
Akash and sonali went to their native places for few days… me and anushka had same hobby of reading books so we went to each and every library and bookstores in search of best books and novels. We used to spend lot of time together. This made me little attracted towards anushka but I controlled as she was my best friend. During school days I kept myself away from love affairs and all because I thought that it will affect my studies so I had no experience in these stuffs. Even anushka and sonali were the only girls I used to talk with..
Akash and sonali returned from their month long trip of their villages.. Rest of the vacation we all spent together.. Soon we had our results and as expected we all got good percents. Akash and sonali wanted to became CA's so they opted for commerce field. I wanted to be an engineer and anushka wanted to become a doctor so we opted for science stream.akash and sonali got admission in good colleges. Me and anushka applied to same college and luckily we both got in.. So this was the most important phase of my life. Where I have to discover myself and change my habit of being nervous and shy.
So after few days it was my first day of college. Thank god that I had somebody to talk with. We had different subjects so our classes were different too. It was hard for me to concentrate because, Being shy and nervous it was difficult for me to make friends but I used to manage it somehow. My best time was the breaks where I used to see anushka again. It was not difficult for her to make friends but during break she used to spent time with me. We used to go and return together. These all things were making me more affectionate to her but I controlled every time. But after spending whole year of 11th std it was getting difficult for me to control my feelings. So I decided to propose her. After few days,
I gathered some courage and phoned anushka " hiiii; I want to meet u today not at home but the cafe near your house.I want to share something important with u".
She replied " okkk at 5pm have u informed Akash and Sonali?"
Me " no I want to meet u alone it's really important"
Anushka " OK at 5pm don't be late".
And disconnected. I spent entire afternoon preparing myself. It was my first time so I had to prepare myself a lot. Finally I reached cafe 10 minutes late and saw anushka standing near it. We went in and ordered two coffee.
Anushka-" so what's the important thing u wanted to share?"
Me-"let we get our coffee then we will talk about it."
Ohh they served coffee immediately I was too nervous and just ruined this meet.
Me- " me and my parents decided that I will do my higher studies in US and I have already applied for it"
Anushka-" what!! You are going to US and you applied for it and you are telling this now.
Have you informed Akash and Sonali about this?
Me-" No; I wanted you to be first to hear this.
We chatted for hour or more and then we left.
I returned home regretting about not proposing her. I kept these feelings aside as my SAT exam was near as well as it was my board year . our college started anushka and I like last year started going together. I wanted to propose her but my nervousness never allowed. Soon I appeared for SAT exam and good extremely good marks and I applied for different universities in US. We all were studying hard these days as this was the deciding year of our life. Finally we had our board exams we all gave our best. After boards I was busy sending all required documents to ivy league university where I got admission rest three were busy with their entrance studies. Finally we had our board results. We scored extremely well in our boards too..
I got admission letter from my university and it stated that my course will start right after three months. So I have now three months in hands to enjoy with friends and to express my feelings to anushka. Till then they to appeared for their respective entrances and were free.
Sonali arranged a small party at her house to cheer our future life as we all were going in different direction. Akash reached first at sonali's house followed by me.
I asked sonali about anushka
Sonali-" she will be here in 5 min."
I was standing out waiting for her and soon she reached. She was looking damn beautiful. First time I was staring so hard at a girl. Her beautiful legs and walking style, her glowing face completely mesmerized me. She broke my stares and asked me to come in. We enjoyed a lot. I tried to propose her that night.
I took her out in lawn as Akash and sonali were busy clicking pictures.
I was about to tell her but sonali came and took us back in.
Another chance missed.
Now just two months remaining and I was spending lot of time with anushka as she was helping me to shop clothes and all. We still use to read books together. I tried lot to express my feelings but each time my nervousness destroyed it.
Finally the day came when I had to leave for US. It was a really emotional situation staying away from family and friends for four years or more if I get admission for masters.
They all accompanied me till airport. All eyes were wet. I still had the regret of not proposing to anushka. Probably now I have to forget her because four years are huge gap and she may find a nice guy within these years. I reached US. I was staying in college hostel. US culture or being alone somehow decreased my nervousness to a great extent.
I managed to make lot of friends during these years. I was in regular touch with anushka,akash and sonali but as days started to pass we got busy securing our futures. The frequency of our phone calls reduced from everyday to one in week and now one in month.
I completed my bachelor's in computer science and got admission for masters in same university.2 more years to see them.
Years were passing extremely fast. The frequency of calls reduced to greater extend.
Finally I completed my masters and got a good job in US only so I had to stay in US. But it was starting 3 months after.so I decided to return India for 2 months before starting my new phase of life. I informed my family they all were happy.
I called anushka " hey I am returning India next week."
Anushka-" yeah great I was about to call u. I have a big surprise waiting for u. "
Me-" what's it? tell me now "
Anushka-" it's important I won't be able to describe it now I want your reactions;
Hey; rahul have u found your love or still single?"
Me-" no; still single and what about you?
Anushka-" I'm busy right now; I will call u later; surprise is waiting.. Byeee…"
That was weird answer but I was thinking about the surprise… I bought a ring for her and was going to directly propose her for marriage.. I was less shy now and had more courage also because US culture taught me lot of life lessons. On arriving in India I met my family spended time with them and then called my besties.. They invited me to sonali's house for get together.. I carried the ring with me. I prepared myself to propose her in front of everyone.. I took my dad's car and reached sonali's house. Akash and anushka were already in the house. They all greeted me with great affection. We went in but before presenting my surprise to her. She blasted her surprise.. Which not only broke me but shaked my whole soul… sonali brought a cake from kitchen and On the cake I saw" congrats Akash and anushka for getting engaged" . shock waves were passing through my body. I was completely blank.I somehow managed my emotions and congratulated them.. Then anushka told me about their one year old relationship and were going to marry in two weeks.. And asked me how was the surprise rahul??? I just hugged both of them and somehow managed to show my tears as tears of happiness… Then they asked about my surprise and I just told them that I got job in best computer firms in US and will be staying there only. My mind was not working at all.
Me-" guys I am not feeling well a bit tired. So I am leaving now; sorry guys. Akash-" should I drop u?
Me-" No I can drive Thanks. Bye guys."
I left sonali's house and drove to a nearby park. Just started walking in; the soothing air calmed me. I thought for while and said to myself" your two besties are going to marry; just be happy and move on. Look at anushka's face how happy she is." I gulped my emotions and sadness back. Next morning I went to akash 's house to help him in his preparation as marriage was only two weeks away. The decorations, the happy climate were testing my control over emotions. As days were passing it was getting really bad for me. I started facing those bad blackouts and it was getting more difficult to overcome. I somehow managed to keep this away from all but it was getting more difficult.
Finally it was marriage day.. I was controlling my emotions building walls for my tears and stopping them to roll out … I kept myself busy in some work so that I can keep those hard feelings away but I was not able to do it.
Marriage ceremony took place.. every minute was testing my control on my emotions.. Finally Akash and anushka married .