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Writing a book is not that simple, it takes courage to write a book. Writing a book means you yourself become void and hollow. You put every thought, emotions, feelings, instincts, experiences on few lines of paper. To me it is an act of suffering. Sometimes your pen follows you and sometimes it ceases to reveal your undetermined emotions. Writing means becoming a criminal in your mind where your thoughts haunt you, where fear gets you every time you try to escape, where your imagination falls into an endless limbo without aiming to touch the ground.
My question which i ask myself many times is why do i write? When writing something haunts me so badly. Why do i feel voidness in my soul? When i can't feed lines with proper words. Why do i cry? When i feel i can't write anything anymore.
When they(critics) say writing is an art which only few possess, i ask them how? I want to tell them it is neither an art nor it is some talent, it is just a simple way to express your regret which has haunted you throughout your life. Regret is that compelling instinct which fills soul in the writing. To me writer is one who is unsuccessful in his life. When a writer can't achieve anything in his life he writes inspirational books. When he can't settle his life affairs, he writes fiction so that he can reason himself. When he wishes to master the nature and fails, he writes poetry. Hence writer lives in a universe where everything is followed by failures.
Despite all this, sometimes when i am alone i think of becoming a great writer who is respected everywhere he goes, and for achieving it i had to be good at failures because failure represent how good i am at writing and how far can i go in this small universe of writers. I want to feel that pain which will help me to stray away from the norms of so called "modern society" so that i can always look at them with hate and hostility. So that i can deliver them the same pain with my feelings such that they will respect me just to keep themselves away from me. Only then i will be able to write what they call "Writing".